Understanding Jealousy: Taming the “Green-Eyed Monster”

Jealousy is often referred to as the "green-eyed monster." It is a complex emotion that we all experience at different points in our lives. But how intense is it? If jealousy had a color, would it be a deep emerald green, symbolizing strong envy, or a lighter shade for subtler and understated feelings? The intensity of jealousy varies based on how we experience and process this often-uncomfortable emotion.

Jealousy doesn't just appear in romantic relationships. For example, a woman may feel jealous of another woman she sees as more successful, confident, or attractive. Often, these feelings aren't openly expressed, but the envious person might seek validation from others, reinforcing their insecurities. Men also experience jealousy, especially when a peer gains more romantic attention, recognition, status, or success. Rather than addressing these emotions directly, people often bond over shared insecurities, avoiding the real source of their feelings. Yet, these emotions are rarely expressed directly; instead, discussions about jealousy are often avoided altogether.

Jealousy tends to project outward, blaming others for our discomfort. We may think, "They act like they're better than everyone else," or “They’re so extra,” but this distracts us from reflecting on our own insecurities. As Deion Sanders said, "Don't let my confidence offend your insecurities," highlighting how jealousy often stems from someone else's self-assurance. When we feel jealous, we often feel threatened by someone else's self-assurance, even though the true source of our discomfort lies within us.

I remember a time when my insecurities took over, and the jealous voice in my head whispered, “She thinks she’s something!” At the time, I found myself in an aerobics class, struggling to keep up with a young, energetic instructor. Years earlier, I would have nailed those moves in minutes. But now, my body felt slower, and looking in the mirror, I didn’t just see a woman trying to follow the steps—I saw someone no longer able to keep up with her younger self.

As I watched the instructor glide through the moves effortlessly, jealousy crept in, and I thought, “Who does she think she is?” But looking back, I wasn’t angry at her - I was afraid of aging. I saw my slowing body as a sign of losing youth, and it took years to realize I lacked self-awareness, courage, and resources to look within myself and confront my own fears of growing older. “My Journey Within.”

In my practice, I see many clients struggling with jealousy, often feeling ashamed of it or experiencing self-judgement. Instead of confronting the “green-eyed monster,” they avoid it, prolonging the internal conflict. I encourage clients to face jealousy without judgment—every emotion is not good or bad, but rather carries valuable insights if we’re willing to explore them. With time, many clients reach a point where they can say, “I feel jealous because…”

Coach Cathy’s Tips to Tame Jealousy:

1. Name and Validate: Acknowledge your jealousy without judgment—simply naming it can reduce its power.

2. Reflect: Explore your feelings by asking, “What’s really causing this? What emotions lie beneath it?”

3. Action Plan: Use what you learn to create a plan that moves you toward a healthier relationship with yourself.

For more guidance and to create a safe space to explore your emotions, try my app My Journey Within, available on the Apple Store or Google Play or at www.cwcleadershipdevelopment.com.

I am Cathy Mott, your social and emotional intelligence coach, here to guide you in navigating your emotions, one at a time.

View the article: https://michiganchronicle.com/fear-the-biggest-liar-and-greatest-thief/